Can This Break Us?
by fuzzyfirebunny
Summary: A short little oneshot I wrote a long, long time ago. I just brushed it up to post...warning: noncanon! Definitely. But pleaaase read it anyways? True to the title, it's about a glitch in Lily and James' relationship. LJ at the end. :D


**Disclaimer: Nope, nope, I definitely don't own any of the HP characters. Sigh. Not even Dumbledore…but oh well! Anyways, this is a little short oneshot I wrote a long, long time ago (before half the books ever came out…) and I brushed it up a little to post on Fanfiction. It's a little weird, I know…but read and review, pretty please?**

Hello, this is Lily Evans, with a short little drabble about me and James. I'm told that nowadays, Muggles who have heard our story call us "the couple of the century." But things weren't always so smooth. So yes, this is another story about me and James…and how we almost broke apart.

We were entering our Sixth Year of Hogwarts…Ah, the exhilaration of finishing (well, almost)! We still had a year to go…but we planned to enjoy our Sixth Year as much as ever. Of course, by "we" I mean me, James, Sirius, Remus, and Pettigrew. Funny, Pettigrew doesn't hang out much with us anymore, though. I think he's gotten a little scared of James.

Yes, James and I started dating in our Fourth year. I was fourteen then…I'm sixteen now…almost a young woman. Growing up has been tough without my parents. You say, "Get close to Petunia?" I laugh. Yeah right. Petunia hates my guts. I really don't want to re-talk the death of my parents…once again, you'll have to refer back to the first story.

James, Sirius, Remus, and I were all piled into one carriage, drawn by thestrals. I've always loved those sleek, invisible horses. Having seen my parents die, I can see them…James can't, though, somehow, Sirius can….Remus, no. I wonder where Sirius has seen death before…it puzzles me.

We arrived at Hogwarts, that big gray building that I have always loved…so many romances, heart-breaks, and things happening there. James leaned and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I blushed, knowing full well that Sirius was watching us curiously…it _was_ his idea to shove us into a closet surrounded by pink cupids after we began going out, you know. I'm proud to say that it's been steady for a few years, now.

I am such a feminine person…James is definitely the romantic, sweet cute guy when we're alone. Other times, he's the brilliant but prank playing cute guy on the Quidditch Team. I've had many girls envy me through these years…well, they can just shut their big whining mouths, because James is MINE. (I've always been a little defensive of what I own…I don't _own _James, but you know what I mean…)

At the Great Hall, Professor Dumbledore made a new announcement. Word for word:

"Fifth year girls and boys, please pay attention." We turned from stuffing ourselves (or, should I say, I turned, while James and Sirius turned from stuffing themselves) to regard Dumbledore. "This year, we will be picking two students for an honor…an honor above all imagining.

"A boy and a girl will be chosen as 'Career Student'. These people will be able to opt out of Hogwarts for the rest of the year and begin to pursue whatever career they find themselves interested in."

I thought about it for the first time. What _did_ I want to be? These pleasant years at Hogwarts with James had been enough to occupy my mind. I glanced over. There was no doubt what James wanted to be: a Quidditch player…or maybe, just maybe, an Auror.

The first months were so busy that I completely forgot about the Career Student choices. Then, in September, Dumbledore announced that he had almost made the decisions for the Career Students, that he would announce them next week.

What happened next was such a blur, I can't even remember. Dumbledore announced it one day. He gathered all of us in the Great Hall.

It started as any normal day. I woke, got dressed, and went down to the Gryfiindor Common Room. No classes that day, hooray! James came down, and we talked for a while in cozy friendship. Our dating has never gotten in the way of our friendship. I have made sure of that. He yawned, saying that he was going to go practice Quidditch. After a light good-bye kiss, James headed out to the field. We've only kissed heavily a few times…mostly it's just a light, you're-my-friend kind.

And then…in the afternoon, around one or two, the announcement came to go to the Great Hall. More word for word:

"I'd like to praise every single one of you for performing so well in Hogwarts," Dumbledore began quietly. "However, I have recognized two students of great merit who I believe will expand and blossom under the influence of their tutors. The girl whom I have chosen is….Chun-Yin Xing, from Gryffindor."

_**WHAT?!?!?!?! **_Curse it all. I looked over at the Chun-Yin Xing. She was wearing that smug little smile, and tossing her long, silky black hair over her shoulder. I looked back at Dumbledore: he was watching me, a puzzled light in his eyes. I pursed my lips and took a deep breath.

"Ahem," Dumbledore gestured for silence. "Our next 'Career Student,' also from Gryfiindor, James Potter!"

I felt like someone had punched me in the chest. I couldn't breathe. Standing up from the table, I fled from the Great Hall. As I rushed out of the big double doors, I happened to turn around…and saw Chun-Yin Xing regarding me with a smug, satisfied smile plastered all over her face.

Everybody saw me run out of the Great Hall. There were a few titterings, but luckily most forgot…not James, though. He remembered, long after…

I tried to avoid James and Sirius all day…take a guess, though, didn't work. After all, they're in half of my classes. But because I just didn't know what to say, I would edge away, and James and I never got a chance to talk face to face. Not for a couple months.

Dumbledore announced that the Career Students were to leave sometime in December, right after the Winter Ball. I realized, then, that James would be gone for almost the entire year….

_I never got much sleep these nights…my thoughts were full of him, of losing him. Dumbledore said that Career Students could pursue their career even in the summer, and next year as well, if they performed outstandingly on their career ideas. I had known James for a long time…He would do his best, no doubt…_

Nightmares racked my every sleeping hour. I cried myself to sleep almost every night now. Losing James was a heartache I could not bear. I realized, just then, exactly how much I cared for this laughing, prank-playing boyfriend of mine. He was a treasure, my soulmate…I was flooded with anguish, and I didn't stop to think practically…

It is a terrible thing to love someone so much, so much that every hour they're out of your sight your heart begins to break…that was _exactly _the way I felt for James. I probably wouldn't even have noticed how special he was if I hadn't felt hat he was going to slip from my grasp just then.

Sirius and Remus teased me, Sirius especially, about falling head-over-heels in love with James…oddly, I didn't care, didn't try to get them back. Not that I ever did play pranks, like itching powder or paint charms, I only got back at them in my quiet, girlish way. And believe me, it affected them a lot.

But this time, I didn't try, I didn't care, that was how much my heart was breaking. One night, in the Gryffindor common room, I was listening to some old Muggle music that I had brought over. I had recently learned the charm for an invisible CD player and headphones, so I was just thinking, dreaming, crying….

I heard one of my favorite songs, then and now, come on: "My Heart Will Go On," that beautiful love theme from Titanic. That movie had been one of my favorites in the Muggle world…by the way, amazing how faulty Muggle ships are, isn't it?

I listened intently to the words, "Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you…."

That was just such a weird coincidence. That was my situation exactly. Oh, I was falling apart…falling apart with the thought that James was gone, and feeling sorry for him that he was in the presence of Chun-Yin Xing all the time…then the jealousies started…

_You know she's pretty, Lily Evans. Her beautiful, long, sleek black hair, always perfectly combed, her intriguing velvety black eyes, her small and dainty red mouth. To be sure, she was annoying, but she definitely was a model in looks…Quite possible, of course, that James would fall for her…_

Those thoughts were driving me crazy.

The days flipped by, and the date of the Yule Ball approached. James and I automatically assumed that we would be going with each other, of course, even though at times I had sudden flashes of jealousy and thought of him with Chun-Yin Xing.

I wore my light, filmy green dress that was a shade lighter than my eyes. James had told me once that he specially liked me in it.

The night was surreal. James and I danced, but after that Career Student announcement in September, our friendship had been somewhat disjointed. We didn't say much; didn't engage in cozy conversation anymore…

Then, James took my hand with a mysterious, charming smile. I followed him out of the Ballroom, and down a deserted corridor. We were at Jipkin the Mormor's statue, a small, stone figure in the middle of a corridor I had never seen before. James bent down, whispered something, and it began to move.

The statue opened up a stairway. With eyes void of expression, James took my hand again and led me up the stairs.

We arrived at a charming, petite little garden. It was small, but filled with the fragrance of roses of all colors and sizes. I plucked a red, red one, and gently plucked the petals off, watching them float away on the breeze.

James turned to me now, his eyes tender and longing. I decided to give myself up to the magic of the night.

"Lily, no one fits me like you do," he murmured in my hair. So he had guessed my worries about Chun-Yin Xing. I wasn't surprised. James knows me better than anyone else.

"I-I don't want you to go," I whispered, putting a hand to my throat.

James sighed, a wistful, long sigh. "If it disturbs you so much, my little flower, I won't go. You're a gift, a gift I can't lose."

"It's the best for you," I said, tears clouding my eyes. "I could…let you go…if it was right. One can always bear what is right."

James said nothing.

We sat together, both thinking our own thoughts, and then suddenly, he spoke again.

"I'm not going."

"W-what?" I asked, unable to believe his words.

"Oh, Lily," James entwined his fingers in mine. "You have no idea how much you mean to me. I couldn't go and leave you, now…a couple years ago, yes, but not now…not when we care for each other so much."

"Are you sure?" my words came out raspy.

"I'm sure," he looked into my eyes, and tenderness vibrated with his every word. "Oh, Lily, you're my life now. I couldn't go. I just couldn't."

Then he leaned over, and before I knew what was happening, he kissed me, on the lips, deep and heavy, like we've never done before. I responded by wrapping my arms around his neck…he lifted me up, and swung me around like a little schoolgirl….

I laughed, feeling light and free as I hadn't done in months. "Oh, James…."

He set me down again, his lips still glued to mine. We stood like that for several minutes, me savoring the thought that he was staying...with me!

At last we parted, every so softly. We stole back into the ballroom, quietly…of course, Sirius and Remus pressed us for every detail later…but I said nothing, and neither did James…those two were left to their own imaginations.

What started as a thought of us breaking up ended in tying our love together stronger than ever…I am excited at what the future may hold….with me, with James. I savor the thought that someday, maybe someday, I can call myself Lily Potter.

A/N: So there you have it! Please review, even if you hated it. Flames will be laughed at, but creative (or even better, funny) criticism will give me warm fuzzy feelings and I'll love you forever! Thanks for reading, anyways. :D

ily,

Jo


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